ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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