I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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