i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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