you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
