Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
