I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
