You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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