booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
