I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
