If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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