I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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