I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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