But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize