if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
