Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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