ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
