The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
