I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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