What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
