I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he was CRYING into my vagina
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
