I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
