Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
