I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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