I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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