Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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