i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
