How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
