I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize