i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
