I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
