Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
