So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize