i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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