I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
