How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
