i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
