Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
