Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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