Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
