I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
