Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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