so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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