please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
