I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
