I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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