I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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