I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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