Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The ass gains better be worth it
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