I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
