Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize