What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
