I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
