I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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