please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
