I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
