Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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