good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
