To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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