I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
