Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
