Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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