Someone shit on the floor
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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