Swine flu. Run for my life!
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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